My website and its store of advice on all aspects of wellbeing and health is so vast that I think it’s time to gather some threads together. So I am beginning a series called The Teenage Brain Woman On… In each post, I will gather together various things I’ve written on a topic, plus things I value by others, and save you the job of searching.
First, empathy
First, empathyEmpathy is something we all like to think we have but which is woefully lacking in some of the people who think they have it most. Empathy is not about finding people who think and feel just like you and then feeling super-secure in your groupthink mentality so you forget that not everyone thinks or feels the same and that other people’s thoughts and feelings are equally important.
Empathy is nothing at all to do with agreeing or thinking the same. The “pathy” part is about “feeling”. Empathy is about tuning in to feelings (and the thoughts and behaviours they lead to), based on listening to the individual and on understanding something of how human minds work in general.
It is not about holding yourself above someone but about coming to where they are.
Where I’ve written about empathy
Articles about the role of books, and particularly the discussion about reading fiction or nonfiction
- For Dyslexia Scotland
- Empathy and the power of non-fiction:
- Cognitive empathy – how we empathise best with someone whose experience we have never had
- Highlighting some young fiction that builds empathy for people with negative body image
Other things by me
- In which I challenge your empathy and ask you to see if it could be improved
- In which I talk about what to do when empathy is not happening
- In 2021 I gave a talk on empathy to the staff of my main publisher, Walker Books, and it was very satisfying to be able to discuss it in depth and give some new ideas to a group of people who certainly value empathy. I do have a recording of the talk but you’d need to pay for that. However, I’m happy to let you see the PPT that went with it Empathy.
Other great resources on empathy
- Empathy Lab – the best people for this!
- From The Conversation – Empathy Can be Taught at School – and it can lead to more creative thinking
Four important books
- Such Stuff as Dreams – the psychology of fiction – by Keith Oatley, even though I disagree with some of the conclusions, as I argue in the first two links in the first list above
- Quiet Power – growing up as an introvert in a world that can’t stop talking – by Susan Cain, because introversion is one of the most importantly misunderstood personal traits and this book will build your empathy for those who are more introverted
- The Teenage Guide to Friends – by me, because this book was originally pitched as “ten things you need to know about the person sitting next to you” and will therefore build your empathy considerably
- Against Empathy – the case for rational compassion – by Paul Bloom, because you should always read the other side. (Spoiler alert: he’s not against empathy…)
A personal note
Talking about listening, are people listening to me? I’m certainly not feeling heard. Maybe it’s because I’m not shouting and there really is an awful lot of shouting right now.
I’m trying to be a still small voice of calm. But maybe I should just stop and go and talk to my plants, who certainly listen? As Voltaire’s character, Candide, says, “Il faut cultiver notre jardin.” But Candide’s subtitle is “Or Optimism.”
How do we stay optimistic when people behave so aggressively and uncaringly to each other? I think we just need to shout a little less and listen a lot more.
Are you with me?